Forever My Father

I haven't posted in a while, and what can I say? I've been lacking in the story to share, and the ambition I try to drive. But here's a little piece for all of you that I'm going to share. A song I can't listen to without tears coming to my eyes. This song is for my father, who adopted me and my brother when he married our mom. A man who raised me as his very own child, when mine wouldn't. He is an amazing man, who's taken care of my family very well (I went from a girl who only had a brother to an oldest child of seven, in what seems so short a time). He's done so much for me and every time I hear this song I can't help but fear the day when his time will come. And I hope it's not any time soon. So, for all of you who read this, I hope you are filled with caring, loving memories of, if not a father, someone who carefully and dearly cared for you, and means the world -even if they are no longer here. In a way, this post is in response to A Letter I Will Never Send. This post is to the man who made his way into my life, instead of made his way out of it.

Go Radio -Forever My Father

I hope all is well in your side of life. Mine is coasting, but I need to pick things up to a bit faster pace.

'Tis not the greatest photo, but it is the beauty I beheld one very early morning. I really shouldn't always sleep in, to think I miss out on this everyday, but, alas, I may be too much of a night owl.

Something for Someone -A Letter I'll Never Send

It's been a few years, but many more before that. I thought I'd just write a letter just to let you know what I'm like, I guess. How do you put these words when you don't know what to say -all that I know is that I'm o.k. I get myself by from day-to-day and manage to get through the trials that try my strength. If these words are verse, then I don't know the chorus -I'll just sing this song this was instead.

I've never really know you -this shadow feature in my life. I am a piece of you -half of me in full. The other half that raised me shows through in personality. And as I ponder at these thoughts nothing comes to mind. All I know is hello to this stranger of mine. Another family I might never know, but the one I have now I love more then you could know. I guess I'd just like to know if you ever think of me from time to time and wonder what I'm like. And if these words are verse to you, then I don't know the chorus. I'll just sing this way instead. 

Swinging High On Broken Swings

You know, I'm gonna be honest here. 

I get discouraged too.

As an artist I want to do the best I can to make the best I can.

I look all around me and everywhere for inspiration.

I find so much beauty and art in some other pieces.

How come I can't fully do that?

How come?

Am I not good enough?

I am. But I'm still a beginner. I've only had one official art class that taught me techniques and how to actually draw. And considering the amount of progress I've made from that class, and the amount of progress I've made on my own I should considerably proud. I am considerably proud of myself. I just have to wonder, if I'll ever be good enough that someone will follow ME as an artist, someone who will share my works and say things like: "Beautiful!" "Great!" "Stunning!" "I love this!," someone who will be inspired by me as a reason to pursue something, or do something, or make a change for the better. I want to reach my hand out to as many people possible, even if I never get to see them. But it just goes to show, I have a lot to learn, and that this road doesn't end quickly. It continues to go, and I continue to walk idly, and take in my surrounds from time to time for a breath or fresh air. Just because I get a little discouraged by others talents, doesn't mean I'm ready to quit. It just means I need to practice more, to learn more, and to experience more as well as keep these hands busy and this mind running. I'm ready to settle in for the night, but hopefully this means some more progress will ensue soon.

 I guess til then, I'll just rest along on this broken swing, humming songs as the wind blows. 
Stay hopeful.

Leaping Through Puddles.

I thought about doing a post in celebration of Leap Year today. Well, I had nothing. But since you are reading this, I most certainly have found something to say then, right? Not really, but I'd like to give a few words of inspiration to open your eyes to brighter things in this world. 


A dear friend of mine sent to me the other day a little text message that said "Leap Year. For a day, live life like it Matters." I have been suffering with a tough time for those few days before I got the text and momentarily thought "Does it matter?" Then I would have surly said, 'Possibly not. Not for I, a girl who can't get things right." Alas, now, a few days later I find myself not living today like it mattered, but day-dreaming like it did. The day is closing and I realized that you don't have to do anything spectacular to make it special, but treat it like this day was another day, a day to step forward with your life, a stepping stone towards your goals. I'm taking small, feeble steps now. For a girl whose known for a 'proud, model-like' walk, these steps can be hard. But I'm gonna take each day in stride, knowing that each day matters no matter how good or bad it gets. Because even the bad day's counts. Happy Leap Day. 

14 Saint's Named Valentine

It's the end of Valentine's day. And whether you had a Valentine or not, it's o.k. It's not the end of the world if you didn't have someone special to mark this Tuesday as something other then Tuesday. Because, even if there isn't a special someone beside you on a day like today, or even a holiday in general, you don't need that to know there is someone at your fingertips beside you even on normal day. The can be anybody, someone you can call at 1 am because you can't sleep, someone you can drag outside because you want to go on a walk, someone to smile with even if you want to cry. They are certainly indeed special to you, even if they are a friend or family member, or something more. And they are the one's who can push you forward when you feel like doing anything but taking that next step to where you should be. They are your faithful guides that move not in front, nor behind you, but hand in yours next to you, sharing your path and theirs. They are indeed as special as you are. They are a piece of you. And even if that position is changed by another, they still have been a part of you and are the reason you are where you are today. So who is your special person(s) whose path is entwined with yours as you walk this road? Make sure they know you care that they are beside you, not for Valentine's day, but for Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and all the moments in between each time you are together as you are apart.

Reflections

What exactly is it that burns inside of us? 
Passion? 
Drive? 
Fear?
What is it that keeps us moving in the face of all that we experience? What is our fate, if today's presence seems so grim?  Do we really want to know? Is our heart still truly beating, or is this all a mirage? 

I'll erase my footprints as I walk with each step creating the forgotten path -only flames will tail behind me now. I am preparing to start setting the world on fire -with company or all alone. This is the path I behold.

'Start The Revolution'

After extensively listening to the new Attack Attack! This is War album a few times straight through I have come to the conclusion that it is really pretty good. There is a lot of meaning and work obviously put into this album. I personally would have preferred more synth and piano and good beats that they are known for like in The Confrontation, or The Betrayal, but more so like in their previous albums (Like a little bit of Someday Came Suddenly anyone??). But obviously that becomes hard when you focus a lot on creating the proper music around lyrics and an album itself- an album which is the turning point for Attack Attack! at this part of their game in the music world. Don't get me wrong, it's still there, just not as prominent and noticeable. No techno-y 'break downs' or 'interludes'. As the band that they are they obviously won't cut it out completely, I just feel that it's a little incomplete without a little more of it. The vocal content is also a bit different, but it is good, and I feel it compliments nicely to the album. I am very satisfied with this album and I think it's really good, and that Attack Attack! did a good job. Just my thoughts on it but I say Thumbs up to these guys, the work put into this has been duly noted with me. 

Also, The Used have recently released a new song, which makes me a giddy little happy girl, for I am in love with the Used. Check it out. 

The Used - I Come Alive <--Click Me!

Other then that, all is calm for now. My weekend had been spent sore, tired, and sick. But that gave me time to realize how much I desperately need more sleep and how I can't continue to sit around and daydream a fantasy world when I have my own dreams I'd like to accomplish. So as I re-gain all the energy that was wiped out of me, I find myself taking steps to regain my focus on the things I need to. Step by step I'll will work on putting myself when I need to be. Things will not accomplish with daydreams, but accomplishments will replace the daydreams, with dreams come true. I'm not expecting it to be easy. My life has certainly not been so thus far, but if I work hard and focus where I need to, I'm sure it will be easier then fighting nightmares. This is where I light your candle shall you follow. This is where my trials and triumphs begin.