Disastrous Harmony.

Equilibrium. 
Yin and Yang. 
Light and Dark.
Balance.
I feel like my life is a perfectly knotted mess of good and bad. 


On one hand, part of my life seems like one big jumbled mess of bad. My job of 4 years -still part-time nonetheless with pretty crappy pay for all I do is on the fast track of showing me how much I am used to do, cover, recover, run, clean, and fix people's messes like I get paid enough to deal with these tasks everyday (oh no, I'm not.) Don't get me wrong, I don't completely hate my job, but I get fed up with having to do the same exact things every day I'm there -when it's not supposed to be my job. Oh, there's no coordinator up front until 12? Must be my job then! I'm fully responsible and capable to cover the job (all the jobs I do) -since I used to do it -but not be trusted with any of the responsibilities to perform the actual actions required for the 2 1/2 hours I'm running things, like get something so fucking simple as change for the registers. It's bad enough when fellow associates go to me first over the actual coordinators working but to clean up THEIR mess everyday-the one they should be taking care of -not me is pretty ridiculous. That is not the only thing either, but I will bore you no further on my rant of why I am apparently worth shit at my job.
Now, onto my other hand, the hand of goodness in my life. Even with pretty crappy days at work, I can't say that my days have been bad. (Though getting a squished Zingers out of the vending machine sucked pretty bad.) I do have good days and moments and new insights. Having the realization that staying at the same company I have worked for 4 years now isn't going to work out or put my life on track is a pretty good thing. I've been nothing short of loyal to that company, and my advancements there don't seem to be an option -since everyone else seems to be "more capable." And that's fine, I'm glad for them (some of them are even my friends), but I need my turn. And staying there will not help me. Looking for management and semi-management positions in local businesses, here I come.
This isn't all that's been happening, other worthy good and bad have happened, which puts me in binds. Should I be happy, or sad? Should I cry, or keep moving? Should I give up now, or should I keep going and make a way? My life right now had created this odd balance of perfectly harmonized sections of good and bad. My life at this moment is Yin and Yang.

I am stuck in branches, I see the goodness, can sense it, smell it, and sometimes touch it. But the bad wraps around me, and I am stuck here momentarily as I try to climb out.